For those tired of the usual "friend" poems, here is a touch of reality...

• When you are sad... I will get you drunk, and help you plot revenge against the scum sucking bastard who made you sad.
• When you are blue... I'll try to dislodge whatever's choking you.
• When you smile... I'll know you finally got laid.
• When you are scared... I will rag you about it every chance I get.
• When you are worried... I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
• When you are confused... I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.
• When you are sick... Stay away from me until you're well again, I don't want whatever you have.
• When you fall... I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

I pledge till the end. Why may you ask? Because you're my friend.